Desperate Believer

the CLAM before the storm

There’s always a calm before a storm they say.

So either my storm is gonna be a really really big one or el nino’s gone and driven it away. Something about this nothing is making me panicky. I used to be al bright-eyed and optimistic about everything that even my light wallet was like “more space for your upcoming wealth” (Yes, that how I thought).

I like learning languages, I am happy to say that I can speak in two other languages other than English and Filipino fairly well, one being better than the other. (i.e. hundreds of songs under the category k-pop in my ipod). It hasn’t lost any of the excitement it brings me, except that I can’t really share it with anyone in my family. I write in my journal (fiiiiiiine, diary) in korean for the sole purpose of everything to appear hieroglyphic to my mom, and write in spanish when I don’t want my students to read “I want to kill student’s name here”. Guilty Pleasure? Or just plain guilty. My friend (fine,I’ll mention you J), says I’m alone because I’m so strange. I like everything except eggplants and jackfruits, wear anything except my sister’s pants (cause they don’t fit), cannot decide on a favorite color (it’s a weekly thing).

Ask me what my fashion style is and I’ll say, you figure it out. Cause I haven’t. Ask me what my favorite song is and I’ll ask you back, from what country? What genre? Male or Female?

Are my eccentricities ultimately my charm or my downfall?

Financial matters aside, most of my friends and all those who know me can attest that I am very very cheery (save for grumpiness brought on by sweating or the thought/possibility of sweating). So why the rant? I dunno. This rut has been so fun (or should I say uneventful) that the silence and everyday routine has started to lose it sheen. It’s the predictability of it all that scares me. Much as I wouldn’t want to be slapped in the face with a problem (i.e. math calculations haha!), swept of my feet by the next dramatic actor, be proposed to by my dream Italian resto waiter, have my heart trampled and left behind [짓밟고 떠난 심장이](although my cousins would argue that I thrive on heartache). … I think it’s time we did.

How’d that line go?

Have a heart and try me.

So somebody surprise me, just not on the train. I’m an antsy train-rider.